It's been a crappy few months. I'm not gonna lie. I wound up having the flu for a few days, and was hallucinating on my futon. It was not pretty, and I lost ten pounds.

I used to wonder how people could lose touch with the friends they care about, and that is exactly what is happening. It's funny, some of my closest friends at school used to question my choosing to be friends with other people, but it now turns out those close friends make no effort to stay in touch, while the ones they questioned are always in touch and making sure I'm okay.
Weird how that plays out, isn't it?

I may be in DC this week. I'm actually hoping for it, because then I can see my friend Txxx and sort-of get away from here for at least a day. We had a nice talk the other day about all the crap we've been going through...it's nice to know when you're falling down, someone else is falling down too and if you lean on each other you can prop yourselves up just a bit.


And life in New York is...blah. It's not falling apart or anything, but there have been events, actions, and people over the past few weeks that have left a bad taste in my mouth. I don't know. I haven't felt this crummy in a while. Not much is funny.

when I'm 64

Every so often I hear of someone I may have "been involved with" (I'm leaving this open to interpretation) getting married, having kids, and living in the suburbs with a station wagon and minivan. This happened just now with another one.

Then I'll usually look them up on MySpace or Facebook to see what they look like (at least I'm honest about this), and when I see the photos for about two seconds I'll wonder how I avoided such a fate, and if I ever want(ed) such things.

They do seem geuinely happy. And while they are spending their Saturday mornings with their family, watching Dora with their toddlers, I'm laying in bed, hoping moving much won't trigger the after-effects of whatever I consumed last night.
And those are the nights I make it to my bed. They buy diapers, I buy alcohol. They go home Thursday night after work to relieve the sitter and watch The Office, I go home Friday morning and hope I can get a quick nap in before going to work.

I suppose on a lot of levels their lives do seem more rewarding, but I don't think I would ever want to be trapped like that. While I love this town, it is nice to know if I needed/wanted to I could throw everything on craigslist and head to parts unknown. Once you have a family, you can't do that.

I think that is why I tend to stay away from girls who want kids. Even at this age I'm screening them, because I have no desire to be held down by someone else. At least if it is just the two of you and you both want to get away, it's sayonara NYC.




I drank more at the end of last month and the beginning of this month than I ever have before. Mr. Daniels and I became very good friends pretty much every day after work. We aren't that close anymore, though.